September 6, 2026 · Rev. Dr. James Olson · Romans 13:8-11; Matthew 18:15-20
Matthew 18 gives the church a pattern for conflict: go privately first, then with two or three others, then to the whole community, always grounded in love. Rev. Dr. James Olson asks a conflict-avoidant congregation to face disagreements before they fester, and explains why the passing of the peace belongs right after the confession.
Transcript
Our gospel lesson this morning is a model for the church about how to be together in times of disagreement or conflict or misbehaviour by a member. And we are a loving people, right? Paul had it this morning, right? All of the stuff we do ultimately boils down to love. And sometimes we don't act that way towards each other, do we? We forget that God's whole purpose is to love us and for us to love one another.
Now, this portion of Matthew, Matthew, you know, was written somewhere between the year eighty and ninety in the common ERA. So after Jesus and then after the first generation of the communities of believers, and then after the second generation of the communities of believers. By the year ninety, there were very few, if any, folks left who had actually heard or met Jesus. And communities had gathered. Remember also that Matthew is fairly late, that all of the letters of Paul are actually earlier than the Gospels. All of the authentic letters of Paul are earlier than the Gospels. So when Paul is writing about love, he's doing it before the gospel lessons got written down.
For the Sunday since I arrived here in your midst, we've been talking about who God is, who Jesus is, and who we are in relation to God. This morning's gospel lesson, though, is how we are to relate to one another. This letter Matthew was written to scholars think, a Jewish group of believers, possibly in Antioch.
And what does it say? If you have an issue with somebody, go and tell them privately so as not to embarrass them. If they don't listen, then take two or three of the elders. And speak quietly with them. And if they still don't fix their way. Then you take it to the entire church. It's gentle. It's increasing escalation. It's done in love Always. This isn't always the right pattern for every situation, but it's not bad for most. It has been, and it should be the pattern for how the church deals with disagreements and bad behavior by members. It deals with the problem in the community, and the entire pattern is grounded in the love that Paul talked about.
And if none of it works. Then the community is to disassociate itself. And this is where the church goes wrong. Because there have been periods in the church's history, maybe even still today, where one response is to shun a member of the community. We all read The Scarlet Letter in church, in school, and that was the Congregational Church doing the shunning there. Some other churches will deny access to communion. Some other churches will have actual disciplinary procedures. The UCC has very, very strong disciplinary procedures for clergy that commit misconduct.
And it goes wrong when we forget that it is grounded in love. It is not that we want to shame or embarrass anyone. But we want to remind them that this whole community only works, whether it's Old sloop, whether it's the Southern New England Conference, whether it is Christianity in general only works if it is grounded in love. Everyone is welcome. Every person who walks through the door of that of this church is absolutely welcome to be here. But like every community, every organization, we have standards of conduct, right?
In my internship church, when I was in seminary, I was preaching like this. And a young man who was suffering a schizophrenic break interrupted the service. And it was very scary. It was scary for me because I was young and I had never seen anybody have that kind of a break. I was twenty nine. I was twenty eight. That was a long time ago. It was scary for the congregation because they knew this young man. He was a member of the community. Thankfully, two of the ushers that day, one was in the National Guard and one was a state police officer, both of whom who had seen this sort of thing before and were very able to usher this young man who was having a very hard time out of the room, rather physically. And we had to say to him that he could not come back to worship until he got his medication straight, and he was in a better place now. His misconduct was as a result of mental illness.
But there have been other times you and I are both aware when someone has been disruptive in the PTA or at Lyons, or even here at Old Sloop. And we are all so remarkably conflict avoidant, and we hide it behind what we call love. We don't want to face it. We don't want to call it out. We don't want to say to somebody, what you're doing is causing harm to the community. And we can't be that way, friends. We have to offer love to anyone.
And I'm not saying that that is happening here right now. This is just the gospel lesson for this week. And it is an interim period. And if we as a community face this this year or after I am gone. I want you to remember this morning's lesson. Speak quietly to somebody. Take a couple of deacons with you next time. Bring it to cabinet. The time after that. And let the community begin to decide how the community is going to deal with an issue like this before it sits and festers.
Right now, we don't have a parking lot. Exactly. But, you know, you have belonged to other organizations where after the meeting is over, people stand around their cars in the parking lot afterwards and they go, did you see what she said? Did you see what she did? She. And getting lots of head nods.
Any disruption And disagreement is fair, right? We can disagree without being disagreeable. You know, if I polled any three of you about what color we should repaint the sanctuary if we ever decided to do that. I'm not going to get three of the same idea. It's going to take months just to pick a paint color. And somebody's still going to be upset about it. But any disruption, any disharmony, any disrespect, any self-centeredness, any self-promotion, any narcissism. Does not have a place in the community of faith. Anything that is not love and sometimes hard words are grounded in love, has no place among us as a people.
This is hard. It's hard to call out bad behavior. It's hard to point out the speck in your neighbor's eye before you've ignored the log in your own. It is hard to forgive. Human forgiveness. Our capacity to forgive has limits, doesn't it? We're human. We have bad days. But here's the good news. God's capacity to forgive is endless. And we can draw on that.
Do you notice we did something this morning? We exchanged peace, which I'm told in the past. You have done every Sunday. And since I arrived, I'm only doing it on Communion Sundays, and there's a very specific reason for that. And we can have a conversation about whether we want to have it every Sunday as well. Exchanging the peace of Christ is not the half time or the minute to consult about coffee hour or the committee meeting, that it has a very specific liturgical reason for being, and it comes after the confession. Please forgive us those things we have done and those things that we ought not to have done. And the things we have left undone. And that includes reconciling with somebody with whom you have had a disagreement. If you're sitting here fuming at somebody three rows back because. You are to confess that privately And then you're to go and shake the hand of the person that you are upset with. During the piece. And then you are prepared to come to the table.
It's a very ancient practice. We have records of the kiss of peace, the exchange of peace from the second century of Christianity. It's a very powerful moment if we allow it to be. And yeah, we can chitter chatter a little bit as well. But it has a purpose. Divorced from confession, the passing of the peace just becomes the opening salvo for a coffee hour.
Or call then, my friends. Is to make sure that when we come into this room to worship, and then when we go out the door into the world. That we're doing it in peace and love. And I will confess to you right here, my friends, that I don't always get there. I have bad days. Just ask Derek. I don't know why he puts up with me sometimes. But a for effort.
Remember that you are loved. Remember that your sibling in Christ loves you to be lovable. And then go out into the world and bring that love to all whom you meet. Amen.